18 September 2010


My mom hates that word, pee.  I don't know why--probably b/c she is far more proper then me. And, I have this thing with words not carrying any value--so what some people consider insulting, I don't see.

But, that is a topic for another day--language I mean. Today, I want to talk about being Pee Shy.  If you are unaware of this concept, it is when someone is afraid to pee in public.  It takes slightly different forms, but for me--i have this thing with people hearing me pee.  Its not about the public restroom, which a lot of people take issue with, its about the sound. I CAN NOT pee in a quiet bathroom.  If it is a loud bathroom, or my favorite, they have those hand dryers,  I can pee as soon as someone turns it on. But, the dreaded quiet bathroom is my nightmare. Its the weirdest thing; but knowing that someone is listening to me pee, really freaks me out.  I have sat and sat waiting to be alone so I could pee.  And, when you REALLY have to pee--it just about kills you--sitting on the toilet, muscles clenched, waiting and waiting.  In fact, I credit this fear with my amazing ability to "hold it" for insane amounts of time.  I NEVER used the bathroom in primary school, never.  I would go all day--holding it. The later years i learned to go during class, when no one else was there, or to go to the less often used bathrooms.  But, if i went in and someone was there, or they came in while i was getting ready, it was over--I'd walk out. Hold it, that was my motto. And, I can!  

This leads me to "group trips." What is it about girls that they all like to go to pee together? In  my office, the two women ALWAYS go together. And, if they see me grab the key (its a locked bathroom) they say, "Hey, wait for me."  It's weird. Why would you want to go pee with me? Why? Can someone explain that? What a strange way to bond.  I mean getting tea together, or lunch, or whatever--i think would be far more pleasant.

My mother asked me about pee shyness the other day.   She wanted to know how I was dealing.  For this reason, it has been on my mind.  I was happy to report, I have evolved. I am MUCH better these days.    It dawned on me--i have moved past it. I still prefer to go alone or the noisy bathrooms, but I can pee with someone else listening.  How, you ask? How did I conquer this fear that has plagued me since grammar school? Public outhouses.  Living abroad in various places and at various times, I have had to pee in public outhouses.  I don't mean fancy American Port-O-Potties, i mean a large cement walled room, with slabs of cement for the floor and as many as 10 holes.  You pick a hole and squat.  Some of these outhouses had walls to separate the holes, but those are long gone-so its like a big room with a bunch of holes.  In these situations it was either never go, as I have lived in these places a long time in some cases, or learn to literally drop trough (or lift skirt) and squat with a bunch of women or girls you've never met.  Squatting there, eye to eye with an old woman, both of you peeing or "other things;" its liberating.  Once you've hung your butt in front of strange women and peed, peeing in the clean and private stalls of America doesn't seem all that daunting. 

On that note--have a great weekend!

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